This week, I feel like I should just start telling people the truth again.

Not that I’ve necessarily been lying but many times I just avoid the entire

conversation surrounding some of my truths.

For one, I don’t necessarily hate my ex. We’re friends. Don’t know that we

could be more but I’ll honestly say that we’re cool. Many times, he pisses

me off and that’s when my venting sessions begin but for about 85% of the

time, we are not only civil but we enjoy each other for the most part.

Then there’s this one guy that got away, twice. I have a hard time saying it

like I mean it to the men in my life. There is this one guy that has gotten

away twice. There hasn’t been a reason either time, we just like time pass

without contacting but when we resume, we pick up right where we left off. I

wish I could make it right. Not so that we can be together but because, he

is probably the most enjoyable ride of my life (thus far). I think all women

should have a person that teaches them about themselves and about life and I

found that in him. I just pray that the man that I marry is about the same

life.

Then there’s the last fool. Love him to death, but I hate the decisions that

he makes for himself. Mostly with his talents but largely with his women.

Neither of those things am I willing to change because that’s a change that

has to be made within himself. You know how you are told to love others in

spite of? Well that’s our relationship and my love is definiely at a

distance.

And then there’s the relationship that needs some act right. Up until about

6 years ago, this was my best friend of sorts. Definitely not the

relationship that people would describe they wanted but we grew up together

and made it work. Now my mom is pushing for us to fix it and I honestly

don’t know where it went wrong. I don’t want to talk about the past, I just

want the man that I argued, laughed and ate Chinese food with back. If for

nothing but those three things, I can swallow my pride. No apologies or

confrontation needed. Just a plate of shrimp fried rice, a Corvette drive

through the hood and I think it would all be right again.

I guess some mending needs to begin.

In November of last year, I met an amazing spirit by the name of Brittney Greene and at the ending of 2012, she sent an email for me to come up with a challenge of 13 things that I want to accomplish in this year. I had forgotten about the challenge until I jumped into a twitter conversation between her and my birthday twin and I realized one quarter into the year and I’ve done 2 out of 13. Not too shabby for someone that forgot about the list.

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This was a bit of a challenge but here’s my list. I couldn’t open the attachment.

1. Launch Naturally Fabulous. — Passion
2. Take an International Trip. — Travel
3. Save $2000.00 — Savings
4. Purchase a new vehicle. — Personal
5. Go on a trip by myself.  — Travel/ Personal
6. Plan a college tour for nonprofit client based in Memphis. Philanthropic
7. Begin taking Yoga again (Possibly Bikram in the spring). — Wellness
8. Develop an regular exercise routine. — Health
9. Attend 3 networking events in Atlanta. — Experiences
10. Begin investing with Sharebuilder again. — Retirement
11. Move into a different apartment. — Lifestyle
12. Start a monthly gathering to increase my network. — Experiences
13. Become more conscious of what I am putting into my body. (Food, drinks, etc.) — Health

Today, I was feeling a bit down. Scratch that, this week I’ve been feeling down. So sometimes I go read my horoscope. It’s typically not spot on but gives me a few moments to be mindless so I surfed on over to the yahoo pages. My daily single’s said:

It’s important to get a clear picture of what it actually before you can manifest what you want. That means you have to face yourself and the history of your love life honestly — no skipping over the unpleasant parts.
This got me to thinking. My ex boyfriend (that I can’t seem to shake for more than 3 months) decided to contact me. The last time we spoke was in November. (You guessed it, 3 months ago) He told me he loves me and blah, blah, blah. (I’m also sure he’s reading this) I spent the next night talking to one of my closest friends about the conversation and she asked me a question of, “What if he got it together?”. I couldn’t answer. All I could reply with was a shrug and I quickly moved on to the next subject.

After that, I got to thinking about the definition of insanity and that is what I would be if I thought any different. I’m gathering at this point that it won’t be any different but sometimes you’d love for it to be wrong.

I listened to old Kanye (anybody that knows me know that I believe this man is a musical/marketing genius). A few people (some families) looked like they were taking the approach to a healthy lifestyle as a family and were all out. But a young girl around 8 years old, reminded me of myself. She had a pair of inline skates that she decided to take into the park as her mom got into walking. Years ago, that little girl was me. An only child that wanted to just be out and free and instead of walking, my version of being active was completely different and was a bit overworked. (I’ve always been a bit of an overachiever.)

While watching her skate, I thought about my past. How at that age I was fearless. Nobody could tell me that I wasn’t going to excel at anything I put my mind to. I can’t remember when things stopped being that simple to me but this year, in 2013, I have to get back to having a more fearless existence. I have been my own worst enemy in the past and I know that that isn’t where I should be. So, I’ll have to remember that little girl when ever times get rough (because I’m taking on a new journey that I’m sure will be rough) and remember to be fearless just like her.

What I Want to Remember About 2012

What was the most valuable lesson you learned this year?
Trust your instincts. Every situation that I needed to get out of in 2012, my instincts told me far before I made the decision to do so. Sometimes you just have to trust your guns and just decide to take that leap. I know now that taking those leaps even when you don’t see the stairs is worth what’s at the ending of the staircase.

What was the biggest personal milestone you reached this year in your relationships, health, finances, education and/or lifestyle?

I moved out on my own. I eventually ended up with a roommate who relocated to the city but living alone was something that I had never done. I reestablished my credit. Though I had some issues after I paid lots of things off, I know that I’m in a better position to pay things back off now than I was this time last year. Oh, I also finished my MBA. That in itself was a feat. I had to buckle down and just take the time but I’m done!

What professional accomplishments (at work or in your business) were you most proud of this year?

Leaving a job I hated and also letting it be known that I won’t be disrespected at the job I’m currently in.

What was your favorite family/friends moment from 2012?

Family: Becoming an Auntie again and my mom coming to visit me in Georgia.
Friends: My trip to Destin, the last visit to Nashville and my Dani’s 25th birthday.

What was the best book/blog/song/movie/restaurant/city/country/etc. you discovered this year?

Book: I finally finished the Carrie Diaries and started The Tanning of America.Song: Put it down – Brandy. I jam to both that and Trinidad James (don’t judge me).

Movie: Don’t really go to those
Restaurant:  R. Thomas for brunch
City: Destin & DC for the actual experience

What I Want to Leave Behind As I Enter 2013

Which personal development area(s) did you make the LEAST progress on this year: health, finances, education, relationships, family, work and/or lifestyle?

I think I made the least overall progress in health and work. Finances were set back toward the ending while health began to take a front position.

What promises (to yourself or others) did you break in 2012?

The only promise I broke was to start asking for help. And, to fix my actual finances by the ending of the year. They actually ended up out of whack at the ending of the year.

1. What arguments/gossip/hurtful comments, if any, did you participate in or make this year that you wish you could take back and/or apologize for?

A friend had a situation and in the beginning I speculated what was going on and I think I’ve since fixed everything about it from my standpoint.

What opportunities, if any, did you miss out on in 2012 because of fear or procrastination?

So many. Too many to name actually. I believe that I have not applied to a lot of things because I was afraid of the rejection that would come from it. In 2013, I need to get it together and be sure to make everything count.

What did you do in 2012, if anything, that was out of alignment with your values?

Nothing. I’ll say that I tried to be true to myself and in the ending, I was.

Will you be joining me to review 2012? If you’ve already completed your review, did anything surprise you about your reflections on the year?

You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?

Ask questions about why they feel the way that they do. Explain that I know the person fairly well and I didn’t get any of that from her.

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

Live your life for you – not for your family, friends or people you want to be your friends. In the ending, it all comes down to your happiness.

Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Define save. Does my loved one want to be saved or will I be breaking the law for them to go back the foolery that got them in the position they were in? I’d say it depends.

Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?

Yes, insanity is doing things multiple times and expecting different results. At some point you need to change your approach and get it together.

What’s something you know you do differently than most people?

There are a lot of things: relationships, math (lol), writing to name a few. My thought process is a bit different from other peoples and many times I try not to even explain my rationale because nobody will get it anyway.

How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

I find happiness and excitement in the small things. For instance a small size bottle of coke will keep me entertained for a minute. I think sometimes people are looking for something outside themselves to make them happy. Happiness begins within and that’s one of the reasons everybody doesn’t have it.

What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?

I want to travel internationally. Currently it’s the lack of passport and money that is holding me back. I’m applying for my passport this year so hopefully I’ll just have to begin to save money to get there.

Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

Not anymore. I used to hold on to the notions of people and how they treated me in the past. Last year, I moved past that and just resolved to not deal with people that treat me poorly. Since then my happiness factor has changed.

If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

New York State to NYC. I live for the energy of that place. If I had to pick a new country, it would be either China or France. I’ve always loved Parisian culture and I would love to be immersed in it. I would move to China to experience Hong Kong because it has been labeled as the their NYC.

Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

No.

With 2012 coming to a close, I will say that this year has been whirlwind of emotions. I’ve moved away on my own, finally ended things with someone, restarted with someone else all the while trying to pick up the pieces of my financial life. I’ve lost everything that was on this blog, reposted some things that I had saved on my computer, and traveled a bit. I’ve come up with website names, launched them in my brain, only to decide that I didn’t think they were a great idea to begin with. This year has truly been a year of doing everything that I wanted and it being more than thought it would be. So strange how life gave me lemons and I was able to make chocolate cake from them. My wifey always told me 25 was the beginning and I’ll say that since I turned 25 this year, even my lows have been highs. So to 2012, I’ll say thanks for everything and cheers to 2013.

It’s been a minute since I’ve posted here. I lost the entire blog sans a few posts that I put up that I had randomly saved. Once I put everything back up, I lost my inspiration to post because things have been doing the most in my life. My job has been doing the absolute most, my car stopped on me and needed the alternator and battery replaced and then I had a flat tire just this week.

I’ve missed a lot of things I was supposed to do including attending a friends graduation and TI’s listening party for Trouble Man. I just can’t seem to get a grasp on reality so I’m attempting to write my way through my goals and ideas because something in my life is off and I’m not exactly sure what it is or why it is happening this way but I’m not a fan of it.

I think I need to reassess my sleeping patterns and daily regimine because this isn’t working. Something in my life is completely off and I’m not at all sure why or what it is but I know that something has to give because I have far too many goals and deadlines approaching to miss something because a factor in my life is out of place.