I suck at this. Wait, let me not say that. I haven’t been focused and I’ve been tired. Actually, tired isn’t the word. My life has been a state of just rest. I come home from work and I fall asleep. I wake up and eat and then I go right back to sleep. Except of course when I go hang out with a friend but it’s the same routine. Once I eat, I come back home and fall asleep. I started looking into ways to get around it and starting tomorrow (I like Monday starts), I’m going to take Dr. Oz’s advice about reasons that I’m fatigued and ways around it.
#47 In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
Yesterday, I spent the day on Stone Mountain. I had never gone and it was on my imaginary Atlanta bucket list. It’s my list of things I mentally say that I want to do and/or accomplish before I move from Atlanta’s metro area. (Yes, I make the distinction that I do not live in the city.) Stone Mountain has become a major attraction and it also has people to visit to get their feel of outdoors fun. So in my true nature, I went with a friend who suggested it because I enjoy his company and again, it was on my bucket list. So after about an hour of playing around in the park, we took the skylift up to the top of the mountain.
After taking in the view from the top of the mountain, we realized about an hour later that we couldn’t take the lift back down to the bottom. There’s only one way down the mountain at this point and that’s to hike it. But remember at this point, it’s at dusk so when we begin down the side of the mountain, we don’t have any light and it’s only getting darker. 2 miles later, we have missed the beginning of the laser and fireworks show which was the entire reason that we wanted to even stay the length of time we were in the park.
All in all, I’ll say my only trip to Stone Mountain will be one that I will remember 5 years from now. If we then begin to get into the days before that, well, I can’t make any promises that I’ve done anything remotely as memorable in a while but I know that 5 years from now, the unintended hike up Stone Mountain will go down in infamy as one of those moments where life threw a curve ball and I didn’t care because I was having a blast in the midst of the curve.
Recently, one of my favorite past times has been watching the movie Think Like A Man. I never got into the hype surrounding the book but the movie was a cast of all of young working Black Hollywood and I try and support my own. In the movie, Steve Harvey (himself and through the cast) talks about several things you should know if you want to understand if a guy is honestly into you.
I’ve been hanging out with someone and didn’t know if they were into me or not. Honestly, I wasn’t even sure what was going on besides actually hanging out. But I’m typically oblivious to that fact that men are interested in me. I think that everybody flirts (because I do) and we don’t necessarily mean anything by the flirting.
But yesterday, I had a moment where my life felt like the movie — the provide and protection aspect. I went on a walk with this guy that I’ve been hanging out with and it’s funny how when you finally pay attention to things that they make sense. For instance, as we went on a walk, he always walked on the outside to keep me out of the flow of traffic and made sure to open doors. And though I’m not in a relationship, I feel like this is more protection than I got in my last relationship. And while it wasn’t like I had to be protected, it was nice to feel like I needed to be.
2007 was without a doubt the best and worst year of my life. I stopped talking to my Dad, gained lifelong friends and spent much of it inebriated all while pursing my college degree. The phrase, “It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.” pretty much sums up how I felt about the entire experience. I’ve made good and bad decisions and I’ve been able to move past things that were bad as a result of those decisions. Tonight, I sat and thought about the possibility of having a redo of that time in my life. Namely, the college years. I realized that I wouldn’t honestly change those years for anything. There are some moments that I wish I could do over but I know that they have made me the person that I am.
A few nights ago, I spoke with a friend about relationships. We were discussing her decisions to not date (because she thinks it’s weird) and mine for wanting to actually get out and know people. We then began to assess past relationships where she commented that the person that you are is ultimately the person that you attract.
I brought up my last relationship that I call the black hole. It was a magnetic attract of dysfunction. We both knew that we shouldn’t be together but we were a matter of convenience. Well, I can say that I knew we weren’t to be together but for some reason I just kept going with it. I can say all that looking back at it. Just 3 months ago, he admitted to me that he was in a relationship. I secretly knew this yet I had taken steps prior to that admittance that would prove otherwise. In bringing up that, I realized that I needed to let that part of my life go. I wasn’t beating myself up for ever being with him but I was beating myself up for sticking around when I knew it was over. Then, the revelation came to me that I shouldn’t care about when something ends as long as it runs its true course and when it’s done, it’s actually done.
But back to the conversation at hand.
Looking back on the men I’ve dated, been in relationships or situationships with or even just remotely invested time into and I can say that the people that have been in my life have absolutely served their purpose in my life as it relates to where I was and what I needed. When lost, I find someone just as lost as I or when I need someone to spend time with, I find someone that needs that type of human interaction just as much as I need. Ultimately, I know that the person that God intends for you to be with will not only be a reflection of where you are but also, where you’re going. And, I’m just happy my past relationships show where I’ve been and not necessarily where I’m headed.
Season’s change far too quickly around my way. It seems it was just February and I was beginning a new position as a retail manager. Now just four months later, I’m an administrative assistant (well sorta) with social media duties for a widely known and respected Atalnta fixture. I never thought that would be my life. I have been trying to make my way into the entertainment industry full time and I’ve finally made it. It was difficult but I’ve been able to do it.
So now, I’m at a crossroads. I want to get back into blogging but I also want to pick up new clients. I know that the multiple streams of income will do me justice. So now, I plot.
This week, I feel like I should just start telling people the truth again.
Not that I’ve necessarily been lying but many times I just avoid the entire
conversation surrounding some of my truths.
For one, I don’t necessarily hate my ex. We’re friends. Don’t know that we
could be more but I’ll honestly say that we’re cool. Many times, he pisses
me off and that’s when my venting sessions begin but for about 85% of the
time, we are not only civil but we enjoy each other for the most part.
Then there’s this one guy that got away, twice. I have a hard time saying it
like I mean it to the men in my life. There is this one guy that has gotten
away twice. There hasn’t been a reason either time, we just like time pass
without contacting but when we resume, we pick up right where we left off. I
wish I could make it right. Not so that we can be together but because, he
is probably the most enjoyable ride of my life (thus far). I think all women
should have a person that teaches them about themselves and about life and I
found that in him. I just pray that the man that I marry is about the same
Then there’s the last fool. Love him to death, but I hate the decisions that
he makes for himself. Mostly with his talents but largely with his women.
Neither of those things am I willing to change because that’s a change that
has to be made within himself. You know how you are told to love others in
spite of? Well that’s our relationship and my love is definiely at a
And then there’s the relationship that needs some act right. Up until about
6 years ago, this was my best friend of sorts. Definitely not the
relationship that people would describe they wanted but we grew up together
and made it work. Now my mom is pushing for us to fix it and I honestly
don’t know where it went wrong. I don’t want to talk about the past, I just
want the man that I argued, laughed and ate Chinese food with back. If for
nothing but those three things, I can swallow my pride. No apologies or
confrontation needed. Just a plate of shrimp fried rice, a Corvette drive
through the hood and I think it would all be right again.
I guess some mending needs to begin.
In November of last year, I met an amazing spirit by the name of Brittney Greene and at the ending of 2012, she sent an email for me to come up with a challenge of 13 things that I want to accomplish in this year. I had forgotten about the challenge until I jumped into a twitter conversation between her and my birthday twin and I realized one quarter into the year and I’ve done 2 out of 13. Not too shabby for someone that forgot about the list.
This was a bit of a challenge but here’s my list. I couldn’t open the attachment.
1. Launch Naturally Fabulous. — Passion
2. Take an International Trip. — Travel
3. Save $2000.00 — Savings
4. Purchase a new vehicle. — Personal
5. Go on a trip by myself. — Travel/ Personal
6. Plan a college tour for nonprofit client based in Memphis. Philanthropic
7. Begin taking Yoga again (Possibly Bikram in the spring). — Wellness
8. Develop an regular exercise routine. — Health
9. Attend 3 networking events in Atlanta. — Experiences
10. Begin investing with Sharebuilder again. — Retirement
11. Move into a different apartment. — Lifestyle
12. Start a monthly gathering to increase my network. — Experiences
13. Become more conscious of what I am putting into my body. (Food, drinks, etc.) — Health
Today, I was feeling a bit down. Scratch that, this week I’ve been feeling down. So sometimes I go read my horoscope. It’s typically not spot on but gives me a few moments to be mindless so I surfed on over to the yahoo pages. My daily single’s said:
It’s important to get a clear picture of what it actually before you can manifest what you want. That means you have to face yourself and the history of your love life honestly — no skipping over the unpleasant parts.
This got me to thinking. My ex boyfriend (that I can’t seem to shake for more than 3 months) decided to contact me. The last time we spoke was in November. (You guessed it, 3 months ago) He told me he loves me and blah, blah, blah. (I’m also sure he’s reading this) I spent the next night talking to one of my closest friends about the conversation and she asked me a question of, “What if he got it together?”. I couldn’t answer. All I could reply with was a shrug and I quickly moved on to the next subject.
After that, I got to thinking about the definition of insanity and that is what I would be if I thought any different. I’m gathering at this point that it won’t be any different but sometimes you’d love for it to be wrong.
I listened to old Kanye (anybody that knows me know that I believe this man is a musical/marketing genius). A few people (some families) looked like they were taking the approach to a healthy lifestyle as a family and were all out. But a young girl around 8 years old, reminded me of myself. She had a pair of inline skates that she decided to take into the park as her mom got into walking. Years ago, that little girl was me. An only child that wanted to just be out and free and instead of walking, my version of being active was completely different and was a bit overworked. (I’ve always been a bit of an overachiever.)
While watching her skate, I thought about my past. How at that age I was fearless. Nobody could tell me that I wasn’t going to excel at anything I put my mind to. I can’t remember when things stopped being that simple to me but this year, in 2013, I have to get back to having a more fearless existence. I have been my own worst enemy in the past and I know that that isn’t where I should be. So, I’ll have to remember that little girl when ever times get rough (because I’m taking on a new journey that I’m sure will be rough) and remember to be fearless just like her.