“If you don’t define yourself for yourself then you will be crushed into other’s fantasies of you and eaten alive” – Audre Lorde

I keep forgetting to update you guys on my progress with Putting 23 into the Universe sooo… Here it goes.

• I started my application for grad school. The program seems to be designed to be exactly what I need and it’s in NYC.
• I have now become a staff writer for JAYE Magazine. My writings will begin in the October issue.
• I’m working on paying off my debt as well.
• My bestie sent me a website about working with children in Memphis and I’m going to see if I can work with the program until I leave home.
• And I of course, registered my business license. (And it’s time for renewal )

I’ve had a couple of bad days since I got back to Memphis from vacation. Stomach bug and fits of crying for no damn reason amongst other issues made me not want to do much of anything. I go to work, stay somewhere until its dark come home, shower, rinse and repeat.
I’m not sure when my life got to be so routine. Even on the days that I varied from that schedule, I wasn’t very far off that path. I think my crying is because I don’t have a set path. I can see my own life clearly so tears are the natural thing when you can’t figure out a path.

Tonight I read some lyrics to a Jay Z song. (No I don’t know which one as I’m not a big Jay fan and its not really important) But it made me think. It was in a post from a writer that I aspire to be like. It made me think I’m the only person holding me back.

I made a list of things here around my 23rd birthday and most of them should’ve already been crossed off but I somehow have been holding myself back from doing anything but being complacent. I have far too much potential to just be working at my current company. Life isn’t going to just throw opportunities in my lap. I need to make myself work for them.

Sorry for the lack of updates, I’ve been at the beach. When my mind is back, I’ll return.

Yesterday I accompanied one of my clients to a celebrity basketball game and ran into a few other people that I knew. A friend of a friend heard I’m a recent graduate and asked me what was I doing since I graduated from college. That question was simple, I got a part time job to make ends meet and save (though I haven’t saved like I should) and I started my own consulting business. She then asked me what were my career goals after that and I said one of my larger goals, to start my own nationally syndicated show. It’s not a goal that I’ve actively been pursuing but it is one that I know I want to accomplish. When I got home that evening, I got to thinking about my ultimate goals and I realized I’m far too scatterbrained. I have a lot of random things that I would like to accomplish but I’m not sure what my ultimate goal is — like I’m not sure of what I’d want to be known for when someone says my name.

Writer is likely a strong choice especially since that’s why I initially got into PR (that and I like to talk others up) and it’s also what I’m good at. So now I need an accountability partner. Someone to make sure I pitch and write everyday (and not just on my blackberry), someone to make sure that I’m reaching my goals and I’m getting where I want to be. Oh yeah, I also need to make sure that I keep the end in sight. I honestly believe that is why I’m so scatterbrained. I never force myself to see one thing through, I pick up the next and keep it moving.

I guess that has to change…

*Waves*

It seems like forever since I’ve been here. I won’t lie and say I’ve been soooo busy because I really haven’t. Well in a sense I have but not actually. I have been working diligently with a not so new client of mine. Check out his video (and other info) over at smithmediaconsulting.com. I’ve actually been doing a bit of brainstorming. I have two projects that I want to develop before years end and I really need to sit down with a group of people to either talk me out of them or give me the fuel I need to drive them full force.

Oh and I started back on my book again. I’m purchasing a new computer so that I can force myself back into my word count because I talked to Trey’s (my old Toshiba) makers and he has officially gone to glory. *poors juice out for Trey* Much of what I’ve recently written in this book has been on paper so I need to piece the items together so that when I get ready to tie them all in together to begin forming the chapters I won’t be all confused. If I can get the computer I want (a netbook) then I’ll likely have a lot written by years end. Enough to try to pitch it around that is.

I think that’s all that’s up with me.

Oh, congrats to my friends baby Bro, He’s a Cardinal:

JAYE, the lifestyle magazine that realizes college is more than the classroom and serves as the authority on fashion, style, beauty, health and culture for smart, sophisticated and stylish women across the country as they achieve success now and work towards post-graduate prosperity later, relaunches this fall, relaunches this fall and there are still opportunities to contribute! The magazine is online, so you can be anywhere to contribute as long as you have Internet access and a computer.

FASHION
If you can identify trends as they happen in the street or on the runway, and conceptualize them into engaging and lustful story ideas; if you know what the Alex Wang Freja and PS1 are and why they’re relevant to the current fashion landscape; and if you have an insatiable hunger to find the newest, most under-the-radar talents in the industry, then a spot on the JAYE fashion team may be for you. E-mail Fashion Director Chandler Stephens (Chandler.Stephens@yahoo.com) with your resume and a short cover letter in the body of the message.

BEAUTY
Are you just as interested in the psychological side of beauty as the product- and trend-driven aspects of the topic? Are you able to translate key makeup and hair trends into irresitable prose that not only engages readers, but enlightens them? Does hunting for health and fitness stories, trends and breakthroughs get you blood boiling? Then, we want you on our beauty team. E-mail Editor-in-Chief Michael Jones (jayemagmike@gmail.com) with your resume and a short cover letter in the body of the message.

FEATURES
If you are proactive about going to get stories and not waiting for them to come to you, e-mail Executive Editor Melissa Kimble (mkimble076@gmail.com) about joining our features team. You should know what a lead is, have a little experience interviewing a variety of people, have access to and know what an AP Stylebook is, and be able to juggle a couple of stories at a time. Also, there are tons of FOB opportunities for shorter culture and lifestyle pieces so if you’re searching for a few clips, we just may be a match made in magazine heaven.
MANAGING EDITOR
JAYE seeks a savvy, organized and articulate managing editor to oversee editorial production, managing editorial, art, photo and to ensure, in simple terms, that the magazine closes on time. You’ll work to create issue production schedules, develop and enforce departmental deadlines and provide administrative management for the editorial staff. You should have some experience on newspapers and magazines and be well-versed in all aspects of lifestyle publications. This isn’t a writing-first position, but if you’re looking for an opportunity to lead a staff of young, creative and ambitious college students and recent grads, then you should sending your e-mail and cover letter to EIC Michael Jones (jayemagmike@gmail.com), stat!

I’m starting to think this man was in my personal life when he wrote All Falls Down and I wont mention how many times in a row I’ve listened to College Dropout, Late Registration and Graduation with Last Call, Can’t Tell Me Nothing, and I Wonder on repeat.

I even started a whole section around these parts called Kanyeisms. Anyhoo, Happy Birthday Mister West and I’m ready for Good Ass Job.

Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

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I like to work.  I love writing, I love talking with people and I would love to do that more than anything else. I actually started Pursuit of Fabulous to document my life from hating what I do to loving what I do. I’m on a mission to get to a fabulous life. My fabulous life. I had a list of things that I wanted to accomplish when I set out with this blog. First was to get a writing gig. Not necessarily paid but to begin writing somewhere. I have that (will post link soon) and now I’m working towards other goals.

I began to help a friend this time last year and now that we no longer work with each other I have begun to work with other people in the same capacity and that is how I started my own business, Smith Media Consulting. With all of the work that I do for others (with my job and my own business) I absolutely love what I do because right now my business hasn’t begun with the profits I would like from it but I won’t stop what I’m doing.

I went on that long tangent to say that I absolutely need more work to do that I love doing so I can stop doing everything that I don’t like to do.