‘Aren’t we all in recovery for something?’ – Carrie Bradshaw
Today was Day 1 of recovery. Actually it began Friday nite but Saturday was the first full day so yeah… Day 1.
After last weeks talk about cleaning out my closet I decided that my first off day I would take the time out to focus on me. Since I started today, I have taken a long bath, done all my frilly girly things such as shaving, doing my hair and all I have left is to change my polish color and I will be done. Oh wait, I need to go out and get my brows done but I’ll wait until tomorrow because I hate the Sat club crowds out and about when I’m trying to get something done in a timely fashion.
I’m two loads of clothes into my horrible horrible collection of dirty laundry and I have also cooked two meals. Well one and I prepped another. I’m two meals in (which I never eat 3 meals a day) and I’m contempating a good Tazo tea. Probably calm. All in all, recovery seems to be going very well. Hopefully Monday I can be fully refreshed and begin my work week properly.
I don’t know why this phrase popped into my head today. Actually God did it. I know that. But I googled it and found this song by Whitney. I didn’t actually listen to her newest album but I thought this song had such a great message.
Today I went to lunch with a youth pastor. I think God told him to contact me with good reason. From my meeting with him, I had the same statement reiterated that I’ve been telling myself all month — that is is time that I do something for me. I’ve been called a number of things when I started working ON me and not FOR other people but I guess it’s true what my Pastor (while in college) said, ‘Friends don’t treat me like they used to since I laid my burdens down.’
For Lent, I gave up procrastination. As a new years resolution, I gave up on dealing with stagnant people. I’m starting to believe that the stagnant people were catalysts for my procrastination. They weren’t directly affected because well they were stagnant anyways but I was the one that took the fall during the process. I became a part of my own problem. Now that I have been able to sit down and focus on what is important to me, doors have definitely opened. Not necessarily where I wanted them to open (new/fulltime job) but where my passion lies (writing and networking opportunities).
I think today may have been the beginning of my pursuit and I’m blessed to say that I’m excited for everything ahead.
The other night I had a conversation with the BF about soulmates. I asked if he believed in them and he said no. After I sat and thought about it, I’m not totally sure if I do or don’t.
This falls into a random question a twitter friend asked. Now being a Love Jones lover, I gave the quote, “Love is what you make and with whom you make it”. And, I do agree But I guess much of my agreement with that is because of another LJ quote, “Falling in love aint shit. Can somebody please tell me how to stay there?”.
But I’m not so sure about this one. Falling in love with BF wasn’t hard once I allowed myself to be open to it. The hard part was letting go of fear and doubt on the love/relationship front. Now the staying there part hasn’t been hard yet. I’m not anticipating it but you know… Maybe you don’t ha!
Today is Ash Wednesday marking the beginning of Lent. Normally I don’t give up anything because my church typically doesn’t talk about us fasting from something for Lent. Since I’ve been on a roll this year with doing things I’ve never done before, I decided that I would give up something. That something is keeping me from being the best me that I can be.
Procrastination.
I know I should have resolved to not procrastinate for my new years resolution but I didn’t make any resolutions this year I set goals. Things that I wanted to accomplish… and I am well on my way but I know that I could be further along if I didn’t procrastinate. So today I began to do lists that I must complete before I go to bed each night. I have also resolved to write something everyday.
Guess I need to get started? I’m actually way ahead of the game.
It’s no secret that I read A LOT. Right now I’m currently skimming 3 books and actively reading 1 other. One of the books I’m skimming through it Nice Girls Don’t Get The Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers.
I picked it up at the request of my friend (in my head), Belle. Tonight, I decided to look at parts of the book that I hadn’t seen in a while and I came across Mistake 4.
Mistake 4: Doing the Work of Others
I realized that this is a mistake that I made recently in life. I wanted to be everybody’s everything but I wasn’t able to do that and be everything that I needed to be for myself. I lost sight of my own dreams and couldn’t envision my way out of the rut that I was in.
“… There are two kinds of people in the world: careerists and achievers.Achievers keep busy by doing the work. Careerists spend their time managing their careers. Truth be known, you’ve got to be a little of both to get ahead.”
I think I’m finally seeing life as both an achiever and a careerist.
Today I had a talk with several people about several things and one thing came from all those conversations: God’s will will be done.
I’m not sure all those people realized that while we were having our conversations that I was in deep thought. I realized that ‘you win some and you lose some’. I see it as a storm and a test before you come out on the side of something greater and I’m definitely pursing what is greater.
A year ago, I was in undergrad working toward becoming a producer (television) and I just knew that I had found my calling in life and then God told me that it wasn’t my calling — or at least at the time it wasn’t my calling. At the time, I thought it was the devil because I had worked so hard at figuring things out and aligning my life to the purpose that I had set for myself. I of course got a rude awakening. When I graduated, I found myself in a dark place. I had no job, no place to live (at least not one I could pay the bills at) and debt. I was this way for a while and if you look on the surface, I still am in that place but inside, I’m not. I have a part time job, I have the time work on my craft (writing) and I am making enough to make a slight dent in my debt. I still don’t have a place to stay but I believe God brought me back to my parents house for a reason.
Since I’ve been back in Memphis, I’ve come in contact with lots of people. People who are doing things greater than I could ever imagine, people that are encouraging me and people that I can see myself progressing with. I didn’t quite understand why I had to move back home and why other people could go and find opportunities in this “recession” to live their dreams and a few days ago (when I began this post) it hit me. God had a purpose for me moving back here. My life wasn’t meant to be the easy road. It’s always been said, “If there is no struggle there is no progress” and I am definitely the progressive type. Luckily for me, I found someone that is willing to progress with me and I think… no scratch that I KNOW that having him along for the ride has made all the difference.
Never put too Much Trust in Friends, Learn how to use Enemies
Be wary of friends, they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.
I never understood why women got so upset about not having a man to spend valentines day with. To date, I’ve had a boyfriend for one Valentine Day’s of my life. Last year, I was ‘dating’ a guy and we *randomly* spent the evening together so I guess that makes 2. (Story in a later post) This year will make 3 but, this year I plan to spend the day with friends instead of my dude.
I feel Valentine’s day has become a day that most women bask in their bitterness OR show off their fucked up relationships to the world. A lot of people are considering taking a piece of a man because he will wine them and dine them (give them a story to tell their friends) just so they don’t have to spend a Sunday alone.
People content in their relationship status typically don’t talk about that day. Typically. Or maybe I just happen to come across the people that care to share their feelings on the day. (Being that I am right now)
Now don’t get me wrong, I love the fact that I will profit from the day by working for a long time friend (she’s a florist) but other than that it’s just another day (with flowers). So this year, instead of complaining about not having a boytoy, I think we as women should indulge in ourselves and things we like. For example:
Go to blockbuster and rent your favorite love stories and watch them while snuggled up in that snuggie your mom got you for Christmas. If you have a couple of single friends, make it a slumber party, high school style.
Or
Better yet, indulge in your future and spiritually set yourself up for it. Go to church Sunday morning then come home and set some goals for yourself to accomplish this year. Nobody is where they want to be in life. Use that downtime while all of your friends are out of your hair to write down what you want to accomplish and a plan to begin working on the goals.
Either way, don’t mope around just because you’re not in a relationship this year. Spend your time wisely and forget about the day.
Today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Actually this is a continuation of going to bed on the wrong side of the bed but some things you just can’t fix…
I had a weird feeling all day that I couldn’t shake. My boyfriend has been trying to get me to talk to him about it but I honestly can’t form a complete sentence to talk about it. I’m feeling complacent but I know I’m not. Actually antsy might be a better word. I know that I’m on the verge of a breakthrough yet I find it hard to complete meaningless tasks and I have utterly no desire to communicate with half the people in my life. So I sleep and I sit in silence and I write. Problem is, none of what I’m writing makes sense anymore. None of it will probably even matter until a year or so from now (much like most of the things that occur when I put pen to paper).
So today, I went out (to pick up a check) and stopped and roamed my city for inspiration. Couldn’t find much so I came home and I opened my computer, Trey and I searched the web. I searched until I came across a story in Honey Magazine. It was about women owning their part of their industry. I skimmed through most of the articles, but I will share some of the quotes that I liked.
“Stay focused and don’t try to put your hands in 20 million things, focus on what you want first and go for that. Make a goal and set deadlines, and try to achieve those things within that time. ” – Melina Matsoukas
“As a female it’s always better to build a team, then to have a really competitive spirit. You can learn from everybody, and it’s better to have people supporting you, rather then wanting to see you fail. ” – Angela Yee
“When you own ideas no one else has and you know you gave 150%, there’s no denying you. You have to have this confidence, like me I’m always like: ‘Karen doesn’t care, Karen didn’t ask you.’” – Karen Civil
